Hello, and welcome to The Own Your Health Podcast.
I'm Cyndi Lynne, and I can't wait to
help you step into your health power.
Today we're talking about owning your holidays, and that's maybe a
big jump, maybe not such a big jump from owning
your health because for lot of us, the holidays can
be a very stressful time and it can be a
time that's very challenging for our health.
And I want to help you get some more
ownership, get some more control over your holidays.
And if you're already thinking, oh, my
gosh, it's just impossible, take a listen.
There might be a few tidbits in here
that can actually make a difference for you.
So let's start with what's the first word that comes to
mind when I say to you, oh, it's the holiday season?
Is it excitement?
Is it thoughts of being crazy and busy?
Is it stress?
Or is it obligations?
I know for many, many years when I was working
in the corporate world, you'd be talking with folks at
work and you'd hear, not the happy family plans.
Those you'd get to, of course, too.
But your work friends were a safe place
for you to talk about those obligations and
commitments that you didn't actually want to do.
And there was a certain shared, yes, we're
all in this together and we all have
things we have to do we don't want.
But at the same time, when I look back on
it, it was really kind of a sad time because
people had hopes and aspirations, and yet their behaviors, their
actions, their calendars were filled with obligations.
So let's take that apart a little bit.
Let's talk about how these develop and
what you can do about these obligations.
And when I use the word obligations, there's an
implication here that it's something you feel you have
to do, but you don't necessarily want to.
If it was something you were really excited about doing,
you probably wouldn't talk about it as an obligation.
So we definitely are going for kind of
the negative connotation of that word here.
Now, I've posted on this before and I've shared
this, but I think it probably bears repeating.
I have a lot of new listeners.
Welcome to you.
Our family started and when I say our
family, I mean my husband and I,
and then my son - started a
very different holiday tradition for Thanksgiving.
And it started even before my son was born.
It was Thanksgiving
coming up, busiest travel time.
And my husband and I live in Minneapolis St.
Paul area in the Twin Cities.
And at the time we had family across state in
Wisconsin, we had family in Toronto, we had family in
other parts of the country, and we just didn't want
to do that busiest travel day of the year practice.
And I was sharing that again with somebody
at work who felt the same way.
They didn't want to travel.
Theirs would have been a road trip.
You never know what the roads are going to
be like in Minnesota over that holiday season, and
they just didn't want to do it.
And we said, you know what, let's stay
home and let's make our own friends Thanksgiving.
And this is going back like 30
years before people were actually doing this.
And at the time, we all subscribed
to and got Bona Petite magazine.
And again, that was a time when you got the magazine
and you could hardly wait to see it, and all the
recipes, and there weren't online recipes, and it just wasn't like
it is today where there's so much available to you.
So we got the magazine, and we each pulled
out a page, and I was hosting, so I
made the turkey and my husband made the dressing,
and each of our friends brought something else.
Just ripped a page out of
the magazine and brought that recipe.
And we had one of
the most natural, wonderful Thanksgivings.
We were all exactly where we wanted to be, doing
what we wanted to do, enjoying fabulous food, enjoying the
fact that nobody had to prepare an entire meal, that
you could choose one dessert or the potatoes or whatever
it may be, and just put all your focus on
that and then enjoy all of the balmy.
And it was something that we really, really loved,
and we decided to do that going forward.
And it was very interesting after that
because you know how you talk with
folks how were your Thanksgiving?
What did you do for Thanksgiving this year?
And when I tell people we have a
friends giving, I get two different responses.
The first is, oh, how sad
that you can't be with family.
Now, I still get this response,
but it's very, very rare.
What's much more common is, oh my
gosh, I wish we could do that.
And now, all of these years later, with the
wisdom of coaching and the experience behind me, I
can confidently say to them, you can.
You can do exactly that next year.
And this is where the obligation comes in.
And it's very similar for Christmas or Thanksgiving or whatever
holiday it may be, but those seem to be the
two of the biggest, hot buttons for obligation.
And that is, oh, I could never do that.
We have to go to my mother's house.
She always hosts.
I could never do that.
My in laws would be so upset if we didn't show up.
I could never do that because...
The fact of the matter is, you can do that.
You're just choosing not to.
And owning that first decision, that first realization
is the first step that you can really
no longer say, I could never.
What you may say is, oh, I
can't make that decision to stay home.
I'm deciding to go to my in laws.
I'm deciding to go to my sister and brother in laws.
I'm deciding whatever it is, whatever it
is, you do own that decision.
Because there really is nothing more sad than
people saying, oh, I wish I could do
that, and saying it for many, many years.
I worked for years with people who are like,
oh, what are you doing for your Thanksgiving?
What are you making?
What's everybody bringing?
People knew what we did.
I had people ask who wanted to be part of it, and
of course, they were welcome to be a part of it.
But so often it was, I wish I
could, I wish we could do that.
And you can.
You need to make the decision to do that,
and then you need to communicate that decision.
And this ties in very closely with boundaries.
And that's where the health component of it comes in.
Because if you don't have control over something
as simple as where you eat Thanksgiving dinner,
then how are you supposed to control your
happiness and your joy and your health?
If you're always trying to make someone else happy
first, then chances are good you're always taking care
of someone else first, someone else's health.
You're looking out for someone else's needs and someone
else's happiness, when really you need to bring some
of that energy back to you and your joy.
And it's much easier to start with something
external, like where I park my buns at
what table for Thanksgiving or for Christmas dinner.
And so I want to go over a few tips
or a few hints, a few insights maybe into why
this may be so difficult and so challenging.
Now, when I first communicated this with my family, it
was relatively easy because my family frequently traveled for Thanksgiving
when I was growing up to spend time with one
side of the family or the other.
They frequently traveled to
make two Thanksgiving dinners.
And they knew how stressful that was, to
not be where you wanted to be.
And so when I communicated that with my
family, they were actually pretty excited for me.
My friends didn't have some of the same experience.
They had very strong feelings from
some of their family members.
We have to all be together.
Why?
You have to ask yourself why it's so important for
all family members to be together on a certain day.
And if you dig deeply into that, I'm
guessing it's because the family doesn't bother to
be all together on different days.
So there isn't going to be a random Sunday dinner.
There isn't going to be a random cookout in the summer.
There isn't going to be these other
times when family gets all together.
So all of a sudden these holiday meals are
tied to that only time we get together.
And if that's the case, then I would encourage
you to have family time at other times.
Take some of the weight, take some of the
stress and pressure off of this holiday where not
only is it a busy travel season, but it's
also a very expensive travel season.
If somebody has to fly or stay in a
motel, get together with family and celebrate at other
times of the year, lower stress, lower pressure times,
and save the holiday times for what you really
want to do. There's no reason that people can't
make their favorite dishes at other times of year.
There's no reason that you can't be all together at your mom's
house if she's the one that always needs to host.
And I would even question, does your mom really
want to continue to host or is she waiting
for someone else to take over the reins?
If you want to take over that role and take over
the reins, do you want to host your whole family?
You very well can.
Part of the tradition of our Thanksgiving dinner,
our friends giving dinner, is anyone who has
family in town just brings them.
So sometimes there's seven or eight of
us and sometimes there's 30 of us.
And I host regardless, and
everyone brings something regardless.
So it's not any more effort, necessarily a
few more dishes to come up with.
But the intention is not excluding family.
The purpose is for you to spend the
holiday how and where you want to.
How many of the people do you think come to that
Thanksgiving at your brother in laws or your mother in laws
or your mom's or wherever that you feel obligated to go,
who are also feeling that same sense of obligation?
Who maybe would rather be somewhere else, right then?
Who maybe would rather not be with so many
people? Who maybe would rather be home with their
new baby rather than being with the whole family?
I suspect if you went around the table, there
would be a lot of commonality in those feelings.
And if that's the case, there tends to be a
little bit of resentment for not being where you want
to be and doing what you want to do.
Now, if you have a little resentment and your husband
has a little and his brother has a little and
your sister in law has a little, do you suspect
that that may contribute to the stress that we so
often feel at these huge holiday events?
What if you just took the pressure off?
What if you did what you wanted to do for
Thanksgiving and you pick a different time of year and
all get together and so you say to yourself, okay,
how is that different if it's the same obligation?
Well, it isn't necessarily.
One - it doesn't have the pressure and the intensity
of a holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving.
It doesn't have that same everything has to be perfect, and
the turkey has to be done this way, and you have
to make potatoes for so and so this way.
Make it a potluck, make it a
summer gathering, make it something completely different.
Host it at a town hall when you open
up the opportunity for everyone to be together in
a way and in a time of their choosing,
you aren't going to have that resentment piece.
Chances are you're going to have the excitement piece.
And truly, if someone really doesn't want
to be there, why should they be?
And they may not feel that same pressure, so they
may actually feel comfortable to come for a couple of
hours and leave, or to come for the cocktails and
leave before dinner or whatever the case may be.
But I find that combination of stress, of obligation,
of the tiny bit of resentment that actually comes
from that, and that sounds mean, probably to say,
but if you look inside, if you're sitting at
a table that you don't want to be at,
eating food that you don't necessarily want to eat,
resentment is the emotion that's going to come up.
And that's a bitter emotion
and it flavors things bitterly.
So I encourage you to think about
what you want for this holiday season.
How do you want to spend your time?
Is there anything so critical about
Christmas Day or Christmas Eve?
What if it was the Friday before?
What if it was a Boxing Day potluck?
What if it was any of these other things?
When you open the opportunities you open the opportunities
for other family members to host, to welcome you
into their home and to give you an insight
into what their own family, their core family, not
necessarily the extended, but their own family does
to celebrate or to demonstrate how they feel
joy in any particular season or in any
particular holiday. Take some of the pressure off.
Go for less stress and more joy.
And if any of this sounds appealing to you, by
all means, grab my Less Stress, More Joy program.
The link is in the show notes.
It's super easy, super quick.
$27, absolutely no brainer for you to learn how to
have more joy, less stress, and own your holidays.
Until next week, let's own it.
