Hello and welcome to The Own Your Health Podcast.
I'm Cyndi Lynne, and I can't wait to
help you step into your health power.
Now, today we're going to talk about something
that I really feel strongly about, and I've
been reminding my clients of this all week.
So I'm going to give you three reasons
to stop saying I'm stressed out, all right?
And it's that time of year.
I get it.
There's a lot going on and it's
tempting to fall back on that phrase.
But let's look at those three reasons.
One, the words have become unintentional.
We repeat the phrase almost
automatically, almost on autopilot.
It's a common refrain, kind of like I'm so busy
and we don't even think about what we're saying.
The second reason is that the phrase can
reinforce the idea of being stressed out, and
it can even become a self fulfilling prophecy.
I know we've talked before about how our mind tries
to prove true what we believe and what we think.
And the third and probably the most important
reason to stop saying that you're stressed out
is that it's really not helpful.
It doesn't serve any function when it comes time to figure
out what we want to fix or what we want to
change to minimize or reduce some of that stress.
And that's because it's not specific enough.
So let's talk about some better options.
This is where we're going to spend most
of our time on helping to get specific
on our feelings of being stressed.
Because when we're specific, we
can start looking at solutions.
When we say totally stressed out, it's not
always real obvious where we can make changes.
And in fact, when we use that catch all term, it's
real easy to think that that stress is happening outside of
us or it's being caused by things outside of us.
And it's not.
Our stress is a response.
It's what our body is doing.
It is what our mind is thinking.
It is how all of our
systems are responding to external stimuli.
And we know that it's an inside
job because what's stressful for one person
is just exciting and fun for another.
What's super stressful for one person
may go unnoticed by someone else.
So these are completely, stress
is completely an inside job.
Now, we can certainly have physical external
stressors, extreme heat, extreme cold, those kinds
of external physical circumstances that are going
to evoke a response in our body.
But again, how deeply we respond, how
stressed we become, is part of that
same physical conditioning that we have.
So it really still remains an inside job.
So what are some things that
we could try saying instead?
Let's look at specific things that have a tendency
to leave us saying, oh, I'm totally stressed.
How about saying I'm overbooked?
Right, I'm completely overbooked.
What does that feel like?
Try these feelings on.
Just like when we do journaling exercises, we want to
say something, and in truthful, it might be helpful to
sit and write these down because when we write things
down, we can get a better feel.
So it's a good way to try on our feelings.
So instead of stressed, I'm completely overbooked.
Okay, what can I do about that?
Now, maybe there isn't anything I can do today about this
schedule, but then I can look and say, all right,
this is one day, it's super busy, I'm going to
get through it and I'm going to downsize the schedule
for tomorrow or for the rest of the week so
we can look forward to some control of our schedule.
And then by virtue of the fact that we
know this is a finite period of time, that
tends to ease off the stress as well.
Yes, it's going to be a long, hard day,
but it's going to be over by nine.
That gives us that sense of
control that helps ease the stress.
How about if we get into a little
bit more of the more personal things?
How about I don't feel like I'm making progress?
So we don't often think of this when we just say
we're stressed, but it's like very often I'm working so hard
and I'm not getting anywhere, or I've worked on this to
do list and I can't seem to get anything checked off.
Everything is 95% of the way done, and now
I'm waiting on someone else for that last 5%.
It's super frustrating.
And it has this cumulative feeling of being a little
bit out of control because we're waiting on other people
for that last 5,10, whatever percent it is.
But at least identifying that you're feeling this because
you're not meeting your goals, because you don't feel
like you're making progress, that still better directs the
behavior to follow up with those other individuals or
put other timelines in place or put reminders in
place, much easier to attack that, so to speak,
than just the feeling of being stressed.
Okay, let's talk about some family stresses.
And I don't want to go on this too long because I
want you to have a quick listen some quick actions, and then
just be able to go off and practice these techniques.
Let's talk about family situations that are stressful.
Lack of boundaries.
So very often we don't think to ourselves,
nobody's respecting my boundaries this week, right?
We become stressed and we simply say, oh, my
mother in law is so stressful, or my brother
in law causes everybody in the family stress, and
you need to bring it back in.
You need to bring it back in and own it, because
this is part of owning your mental and emotional health.
And say, okay, what is it that's causing me stress?
Is it that individual's behavior?
Does old Uncle Willard always drink
too much at family events?
And if I recognize that that is what is
stressing me, that's what's giving me the stressed out
feeling, is I'm hosting this dinner, and I like
cooking, and I'm excited to have everybody over.
But old Uncle Willard is coming, and he always
creates a fuss, and he always drinks too much.
Guess what?
Don't invite him. Okay?
That's the answer to your family's stress for
a holiday dinner is do not invite him.
And I can tell already, I
can almost hear it coming through. Well, I have to.
Well, I invite the whole family.
Well, we can't exclude him.
You can set criteria as your boundaries in that
he may come, but he's not allowed to drink.
And if you think that that's a system
that will work, you can certainly try that.
Otherwise, simply tell him he is not welcome.
Now, if you're going somewhere else, then you can choose how
long you're going to stay, how much you choose to interact,
and how much stress you want to take on.
And that's something that we just need to be
aware of, because you may choose a stressful event
in the name of having all your family together,
I wouldn't necessarily recommend this as the healthiest option.
However, what can make it a little bit
more healthy is the fact that you're going
to think about it, you're going to plan
ahead, and you're going to do it intentionally.
So rather than just throwing your hands up in
the air and saying, oh, my gosh, these family
dinners at Aunt Mabel's house are always so stressful.
You can make a conscious decision to say, all
right, I'm going to try and set stress aside.
I am going to attend this event.
I am going to cook a dish that I
enjoy eating, and then I'm going to limit how
much time I spend with certain individuals.
And at the point that I've had enough interaction,
I'm going to excuse myself, say thank you and
good night, and I'm going to leave.
And if you make those decisions for yourself and you
make them intentionally, you're going to release and reduce a
lot of the stress associated with this event because you're
much more in control, especially if you decide how you're
going to respond ahead of time.
And this doesn't mean that you have to plan
right now that I'm going to leave exactly at
8:30, and I'm only going to eat these foods
and I'm only going to talk to these people.
Sometimes just knowing that's an option, just giving
yourself permission is all it takes to reduce
the stress going into an event.
Some very close ones to this
are, I don't feel respected.
It can be very stressful to have people show
you disrespect, and it can be extremely stressful and
I think, completely inexcusable to allow it in your
home or in your sanctuary, in your space.
And one of the things that we talk
about when we talk about owning our health
is creating healthy environments, creating healthy spaces.
And one of the things that keeps them
healthy is keeping them free of bad influences,
free of negative energies, and free of people
who don't respect you and your home.
Once again, if you're going out to someone
else's home or out in a work environment,
you certainly have every right and in this
group, an expectation to set your boundaries.
And then if someone is not respecting them,
you can simply walk away or determine another
response that you feel is appropriate.
So a lot of this is being intentional.
It's thinking ahead.
And you can't do either of those things
unless you've identified specifically what your stressors are.
So I welcome you to sit down with your journal,
think about some of the times today that you've
been tempted to or that you have said, oh,
I'm so stressed out, be it deadlines, be it
too many events, I know myself.
I can look at a week of events, especially this
time of year, as we start getting really busy.
And I truly look forward to each individual event.
But taken as a whole, looking on Sunday night, as
I look across the week on what I've committed to,
it can seem really stressful, even though each of those
individual things are things that I want to do.
So when I recognize that when I look
and say, oh, I've overbooked all things I
want to do, but I've overbooked. Once again
I can take control and I can make some
decisions, I can look and say, you know what?
I'm going to go to this event early, and
I'm going to leave a little bit earlier.
I'm going to go to this event.
I volunteered to bring something.
I think I'm going to bring something quite simple.
Maybe I'm even going to buy
a dessert instead of baking one.
Heaven forbid.
I always bake desserts.
But whatever this thing of it is, is when you look
ahead, when you plan your responses, then you can minimize the
stress and you can have a sense of control.
And we all want control in our life
and over our life and over our health.
And so really managing your stress through being specific
is one great way to own that emotional health.
So I highly encourage you to
stop saying I'm stressed out.
Get specific.
And I look forward to seeing you next week.
