Welcome to The Own Your Health Podcast.
I'm Cyndi Lynne and I can't wait to
help you step into your health power.
So why is it so difficult to say no?
The reason I'm talking about this today is
as usual, I've gotten questions or had discussions
with my clients this week about this.
And also heading into this time of year, heading into
the holidays, it can get pretty easy to get overwhelmed.
So how can you say no effectively to make room
for the yeses that you really want in your life?
It's easy to become overwhelmed.
We have crazy days and crowded calendars, and even so many
of us feel bad when we have to say no.
So here's eight ways to help you regain that control
while you maintain your personal integrity and really stay aligned
with what you want to do in your life.
Part of owning your own health is owning your
time, and saying no can let you do that.
So let's start these eight tips.
Number one is Newsflash.
When someone makes a request of you,
you don't have to respond immediately.
And in fact, if someone insists on
an immediate commitment, they're probably not making
a request, they're probably actually making a
demand, and that doesn't show much respect.
So that should actually be a pretty easy no.
It can still be kind of tough.
So the best thing to do is to reply
that you will check your calendar and then get
back to them by a specific time.
Think of this as a cooling off period, so
even or 20-30 minutes allows you to thoughtfully consider
rather than potentially have an emotional response.
Number two, consider whether the request fits with your
priorities, with your goals for what's going on right
now in your life and with your existing schedule.
If so, happily say yes and then honor that commitment.
Now, thinking about it this way sounds kind of formal,
but by putting these criteria to your decision process, you
can really make the difference between just having a crazy
schedule and having a really fulfilling life.
Number three, when you do decide to
say no, be polite but firm.
Now this should be done with a short, simple statement.
It's not necessary, and it's usually not helpful to
share your decision making process with your requester.
And that's because often whoever is asking for your time
will attempt to help you solve whatever issue it is
that's standing in the way of you helping them.
So saying something as simple as thank you for considering
me, however, I'm not able to participate at this time
is a very clear answer, much clearer than saying, I'm
sorry I won't be able to help out.
I can't find a sitter for Tuesday nights. Then
the person who's requesting your time may step up
and try to help you solve that problem.
That's why a simple, declarative statement
thank you for considering me.
However, I'm not able to participate
ends the conversation right there.
Now, number four, here's the tricky part.
After you say no, stop talking
or move on to another subject.
Otherwise, you risk talking yourself
right back into that commitment.
Number five, start thinking in shades of gray.
It's not always all or nothing.
Often people make a really general request
when they need very specific help, so
determine the actual need before you respond.
For example, a request to organize the school potluck,
something that you may not have time for, may
actually just be a need for someone who can
generate a spreadsheet and share it on Google Docs.
And maybe that's something you can do in your sleep.
Or if it's something you'd like
to help with, be proactive.
Say something like, my calendar is full this week.
I would have some time available next week, on Tuesday.
If you still need help. Then you're
very clear about what your availability is.
Number six, say no or yes at the right level.
So, for example, I love to cook and I'm often
provided asked to provide meals for different groups for my
family, for when my son was in school especially.
And I may have to say no to preparing
a three course catered meal on a weeknight.
But I can say yes to calling
in pizza delivery, which, depending on the
circumstances, may be just as appreciated.
So how do I say that no?
And the yes to providing the meal with
integrity and still letting my style come through.
In this case, I would order good pizza.
I made sure that I addressed any dietary
needs of the group, gluten free or vegetarian.
I'd also make sure that there's plenty of plates
and bowls and napkins, and I always provide dessert.
So I've had to say no to the formal dinner.
But I've met the need.
I've been able to say yes, and
I've done it with a personalized touch.
So number seven, many telemarketers are instructed to keep
pitching until they hear the word no three times.
Interestingly enough, children are often inadvertently trained to do
this by just keeping asking Mom or Dad.
And Mom and Dad may become so worn down by the
asking and asking and asking that they eventually say yes.
And so many folks will just keep asking, sometimes changing
the request ever so slightly, hoping for a yes.
Just be aware of these tactics and
hold your no. And number eight,
finally, if you feel a request is for a worthy
cause, but it doesn't actually meet your criteria of something
that you're interested in or have time on your schedule
for right now, you can offer another solution.
Perhaps you can provide a contact or make an introduction
to someone who would better be able to help.
Now, with all of this, you want to maintain your
personal integrity, your professional integrity, and so you want to
make the yeses and the no's and the contacts and
the introductions very genuine for how you like to communicate
and how you like to live.
And as always, you give the contact a
heads up that you've shared their information.
In this way, your no may actually even turn into
a networking opportunity for someone else who can say yes.
So saying no with honesty and integrity becomes
easier with practice, and it also gives you
a sense of freedom and confidence.
Saying no allows you the time and energy to more fully
engage in the yeses of your life that you want.
Owning your time is such an important part of owning
your health, and that's what this is all about.
So thanks for joining me.
And until next week, let's go out and own it.
